


Asleep

by nataliee



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, I Don't Even Know, M/M, Not Really Character Death, Protective Arthur, What Was I Thinking?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-14
Updated: 2014-12-14
Packaged: 2018-03-01 12:14:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2772626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nataliee/pseuds/nataliee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin decides to leave and start again. But he can think only about one experience, and he doesn't realize, what is real and what is not, especially when he misses his King.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Asleep

He just decided to leave.  
After Arthur’s death Merlin could not stay in Camelot any minute longer. Maybe it was too painful, maybe it was to clear, that his destiny is so different from his first thoughts.  
There was no place to go,and no point to choose. He just decided to leave.  
Strong wind on his face reminded him his King. Arthur Pendragon- this one, who was supposed to stay with him forever, to be the Once and Future King for his people and of course- Merlin.  
And now, he is gone, taken by injustice of life and death.

Low temperature and absence of sun brought Merlin to unknown place, full of grass, no trees and covered by many rocks and stones, all over the sand path.  
He follows someone’s footprints, obviously made not long time ago.  
He took only the most important things, packing this to little bag, leaving his room with little whisper “goodbye”, saying this to Gaius.  
There was no time for long goodbyes, for tears and recollecting.  
So, he just decided to leave.

Merlin found old house, made from white stone, standing before him like it was trying to say something to him. There was no one in the close area, just man, with his blue eyes and black hair, covered by drops from fog.  
Knocking on the door didn’t give him an answer, so he just came in, trying to be quiet and careful. Maybe that wasn’t the best move in his life- to coming into someone’s house, but he didn’t care. He was alone, and he had to be sure that he is doing something good, even if his King is not here anymore.  
And Merlin didn’t even use his magic to anything. Maybe now it was pointless, maybe some things are reserved for good reasons.  
And abandoning old life is not one of them.  
Little rooms look gloomy in the dark light of the evening, coldness makes Merlin tremble a little, but that’s good.  
Maybe this is the reason why he knows, that he is still alive.  
He was slowly walking through the empty rooms, trying to discover something what will help him focus and think.  
Whole kingdom was so far away, but he even didn’t care. Not, when Arthur wasn’t there.

Merlin slowly lied down on the empty, wooden bed, covering his face in his hands, trying to hide his tears from the whole world. And he didn’t wanted to sleep- that wasn’t  
the best idea to let the nightmares come into his mind, to sing inside his brain this sad songs, reminding him that he is alone now- without his destiny and without his king.  
But he couldn’t help it- darkness came into his head so quickly, that he didn’t even notice that he was sleeping.  
“Why did you leave me? Why did you do that, Merlin?”- he hears, not really able to open his eyes, maybe accepting this little torture.  
“I didn’t” – he answers in his dream, with shaky voice and swollen eyes. “You left me”.  
Blurred visions show up, one after another, making Merlin cry even more, but he still doesn’t want to wake up.  
“I didn’t leave you. I was there, to the last moment. There’s nothing I can do, if you don’t want to get better.” – He whispers, not knowing if the other man is even listening.  
And it’s just a dream, but he really wanted to talk with Arthur again. To tell him, what he thinks. To tell him that he was and always be only his.  
“Maybe there was nothing you could do, Merlin” – he hears, opening his eyes.  
He doesn’t know anything- is this a next day, or maybe just fog is not already here. He got up from bed, trying to see something from window. Green view, all this grass, all this.. life. This is nothing, when his Arthur is no longer here.  
“Maybe there was nothing you could do, Merlin” he hears again, deciding to go out. 

“What are you looking for?” – a strange man asked him, when Merlin is just standing. His skinny legs tremble, making him weaker than he actually was, his blue eyes staring on the face of the old man, trying to show him all this pain. But the man already knows. “The king. The king is dead, in Camelot. Did you hear that?” – he asked again, looking at Merlin with wisdom in his eyes.  
“Yes. I heard. That’s really unfair.”  
“And there was nothing you could do, Merlin?”

He opened his eyes again. The same dark room, the same windows, fog behind the glass and pain in his head- too much questions and too little answers.  
But maybe he wasn’t the one, who knows everything?  
Not covered by anything Merlin feels heat. This sudden feeling made him scared, even more that he was before. He could not move, he could not say any word, and there’s something in this room. Something or someone?  
“Merlin, you have to wake up” – he hears, still not ready to move. To be alive again.  
But this person didn’t say that- just stayed in the corner of the room, not making any moves. And that was something, what made Merlin tremble again, despite the he was still feeling this heat.  
And that was the moment, when he decided to use magic- one little spell and everything will be fine. He was surprised, when he couldn’t even think about using it.  
“There was nothing you could do, Merlin” again in his head, repeating like a broken song reminding him about all this weakness. 

“I hope that it’s just a fever” – he hears, but like not in this world.

And again, he opened his eyes.  
Bright light hurt his face, with difficulty he realized that he is outside again, covered by a sunlight.  
“What are you doing here?” – he heard, when he turned his face. “It’s not a place for you, my son”  
“Hey, wait!”- he said, looking at disappearing shape. Not ready to say next goodbye, he decided to find this man.  
“He was here earlier, maybe he is the one, who was in my room. And he knows me” – he thought, trying to find his path. And that was impossible.  
It got dark. Fog appeared everywhere again, making a view almost black. “And there was nothing I could do” – Merlin whispered, sitting on the ground.  
He had no more power, no more strength to go anywhere. And there was no Arthur to help him get up, to help him come back to his home, to his bed, to Camelot, where they both belong.  
Little tear showed up on Merlin’s cheek when he was trying to find a place, where he could focus his gaze, giving up finally and again closing his eyes.  
“Merlin, please. You can’t give up now”  
“I can’t, but what should I do?”

He started to think. How could he help Arthur, when he can’t help himself? Even if he is a big warlock, has magic and tries to save his friends and kingdom, he can fail someone. And he doesn’t even know what to do.  
“Just open your eyes, and then everything will be fine”  
Arthur didn’t. Arthur didn’t open his eyes for Merlin. He left him, made him suffer with no hope. So now Merlin is not sure what to do.  
“You think too much, young warlock”- he heard, when he opened his eyes again. There was no fog anymore, and no sun too. Just nothing.  
Sad view around him wasn’t perfectly normal. Merlin didn’t see all this pictures when he came to this place. Path wasn’t the same as then, even this white house wasn’t the same. Everything was so different.  
And that moment helped Merlin realize, that something is wrong. He was still alone in strange place, but he wanted that- in the darkest moments everyone wants to stay alone with his mind, just for a minute.  
But that was different. Too much unknown elements, even for a warlock.  
“Merlin, why are so stubborn? Why can’t you just listen to your king for once?”- he heard this voice again, trying to realize whom it is. He knew that voice, even really well, but he was forgetting everything in seconds, and this could not help.  
“Who are you?” he thought, trying to use as much of his brain as he could. Everything around started to disappear, leaving Merlin alone with his own tries, and his own failures.  
“Just tell me who you are”- he repeated, shaking his head.

“Gaius, what is going on?” – Merlin hears, opening his eyes with shock.  
And now, there’s no dark room, no fog, no invisible paths and strangers. Just he, and his own bed. It takes some time, before he can realize that someone is talking to him, and this person is holding his hand so hard, that he is surprised that he still has fingers.  
“Merlin, can you hear me?”- he understands, turning his head to the left, seeing Gaius’ worried face.  
“Gaius? But how.. how did you find me?”- Merlin whispers, slowly closing his eyes again. A lot of pain was now in his body, in every muscle and every bone. He turned his face to the right, trying to focus on the second person.  
“Thank gods, Merlin..”- blond- haired man starts, showing his beautiful smile to Merlin. And that seems really impossible.  
“Arthur, you’re.. you’re alive?”- he says, trying to breath properly, even if it’s hard. It made Arthur surprised. “What do you mean? I wasn’t the one, who spent weeks in this bed not giving a sign of life” – Pendragon answers, holding Merlin’s hand even harder.  
And Merlin is trying to understand. “Maybe there was nothing you could do, Merlin” again in his head, and he can’t find any answer. Arthur is sitting next to him, smiling as he always does. And under that smile is hidden the most worried look in the world. And it’s all reserved for Merlin.  
“You got lost. In the forest. We couldn’t find you in days, and you were hurt. When we did, you were almost dead.”  
“And I am here for how long?”  
“Five weeks”  
Five weeks. For Merlin it was a day, maybe two, but still not so long.  
“I thought that you will leave me, Merlin”- Arthur starts, blushing a little. “I thought you are going to give up, to leave me and all our friends. You know you should not do that, right?”  
“I can say the same about you”  
“I didn’t do anything”  
“You died”  
“Merlin, I didn’t it was just a dream. Even if it looked real, it wasn’t. Reality is here, where I am holding your hand. And it will always be there.”  
He is right. Arthur is right. King is right, and King is alive. That’s all what matters.  
“I won’t leave you Arthur. Never”- Merlin says, feeling a tear on his cheek. But maybe that’s something what helps him stay sure, that this Arthur is real. And this Arthur’s forehead is now resting on his, and his hands on Merlin’s wounded body. That’s all what matters, when he can be with his King again, trying to protect him again with all his heart, and all his strength.  
Destiny is a strange thing, and people sometimes try to run away from that. But some people see a point in this, and that is what keeps them alive.

“You need to be more careful, Merlin” Arthur whispers, looking at warlock again. Chamber is empty now, just both of them with this sad looks.  
“So, what did you see? I died there?”  
“You died, and I ran away. I left Camelot. I found something else, something what was as empty as my heart. There was nothing I could do “ Merlin answers, and closes his eyes. And Arthur doesn’t say too much. “There’s always something, you could do Merlin. Just try to find this” he ends, just staying here. Maybe that’s his destiny from now.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for mistakes, I am still learning.  
> I don't even know what this is, I just wanted to write something like that for weeks and it finally happened  
> Hope that wasn't so bad  
> have a nice day :)


End file.
